Sunday, March 30, 2008

final reassurance

so i took all of ya'lls advice, found my sweet old lady (margie)'s number via caller id, and gave her a call today. i was nervously excited. . .the phone rang 3 times before she answered. the conversation went like this:

sweet old lady - "hello"
me- "yes, may i speak to jason (just a random name)?"
sweet old lady - "he's not here."
me - "okay, thank you!" (with a grin from ear to ear)

yes, you've read that right. she actually responded with "he's not here." i couldn't believe it. i can't come up with a more appropriate or funnier response even if i wanted to. my conscious was content. i have now told myself that she must have had lasik surgery done on her eyes, and now she can dial the correct numbers and not mine. makes me think that if i ever went back into nursing, maybe i'd choose the path of geriatrics. old people just crack me up!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

sorry, you have the wrong number.

so i have a sweet senile old lady that calls my house usually every day for the past 6 months, if not longer. her name is margaret and she is sweet, but super random. she claims that she is calling her friend, but accidentally dials the wrong number considering there is a one digit difference between mine and her's. so no prob. i just answer the phone (sometimes 3 times back to back) to let her know that she has the wrong number. i can't even think of how many times this has happened only to hear her reply back that she is an 83-year-old woman that can't see the numbers she is dialing. again, no prob. the funniest thing about my sweet old lady is that if i don't answer the phone quick enough, she will leave long ass voicemails about her bowel movements and church (yes, all within the same sentence). seriously. i'm not kidding. and oh boy, she holds nothing back. i never thought a bm could be so easily visualized until i heard her descriptions. her voicemails crack me up. i honestly feel like i know this little old lady after hearing her rant about her daily routines for so long.

okay so here's the problem. . .i haven't heard from my poor sweet senile old lady in over a week! (gasp) is it crazy to actually be concerned about her well-being, and i've never even met her? is it crazy that her voicemails might have been the highlight of my day? should i call margaret and check up on her? i feel a void in my life right now. sadly, i am hoping that she calls me tomorrow only for me to say, "sorry, you have the wrong number" with a sense of relief and smile on my face.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

burn baby burn.

i'm pretty sure that most of ya'll reading this already know that i am a twin. not identical, but fraternal. we have always been best friends and claim each other as our other "other" half. we love each other so much that we've planned our pregnancies together. let's call my twinkie "kaka" because that's what the mabster calls her, "tita kaka." so i am about 4 months along with baby #2 while kaka is almost 8 months el prego with baby #1. we decided that we'd get away for the weekend and head for the beach for what we called our babymoon.

it was wonderful. no hubbies. no babies. just us. we did absolutely nothing, but laid out on the beach for hours all weekend. it was the best r&r i've had with absolutely no distractions. the first day we were there, we fell asleep for over 3 1/2 hours and of course, got burnt like backdraft. it's bad and it hurts like a mofo. i've already made hubby apply my aloe and lidocaine gel repeatedly to my flaming hot bod. literally, hot bod. funny thing is, is that i love the hint of a burn look and that's what i was going for. . .until i feel asleep. now i look worse than a lobster! when i walked into the room tonight, hubby held the mabster and said, "where's momma?" then he quickly turned off the light and said "there she is!" i couldn't help but laugh through the agony of this sunburn. oh well, hopefully it will fade nicely. if not, i will be out of commision for a week. here's a pic. can you feel the burn? i was smiling then. . .not so much now. ouch!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

showered out!

looks like all of my old college friends have decided to either get married or get knocked up all at the same time. usually this occurs in waves. for example, every two years you can about guarantee that there's a string of weddings back to back during the season. well this year has counted down two years since the last string of weddings which now means that everyone is starting to reproduce, all while there are still the other couples who have decided that they too would now like to jump on the marriage train.

so with that said, this past weekend concluded the 4th weekend straight of either a baby or bridal shower that i had to attend. it was getting ridiculous. lingerie shower friday night, bachelorette party saturday night, and a baby shower on sunday. everyone knows that even if you spend a minimum of $30 per gift, that shit gets pricey. but nonetheless, my policy is that it's all about reciprocity. . .if you once came to celebrate me, i'll celebrate you. that's what good bitches are for, right?

furthermore, i have never craved alcohol as bad as i have with this pregnancy. everywhere i go, everywhere i turn, there is a glass of something deliciously delicious just screaming at me to drink, drink, drink. i understand that it's a given to have a bountiful supply of booze at bridal parties, i do. but when i walk up to a baby shower where they're throwing mimosas my way, temptation is more than i can handle. i'm not kidding when i say that once i pop this puppy out, i'm going on a drinking binge. thank god for pump and dump, eh!? =P