Saturday, August 16, 2008

missing our little lyla

so i'm sitting here at home, emotionally and physically tired as hell with 50 million thoughts running through my head. as many of you know, our little lyla is still in the hospital because her bilirubin is still high due to ABO incompatibility. this makes night number two without her, yet it feels like two weeks have gone by. i don't know how mommies do it when they have to leave their sick newborns at the hospital while they go home and worry. it just makes you feel helpless. like you want to do so much, but all you have to do is rely and trust that she is in good hands and wait it out. i hate the waiting game. i get impatient. i want her, and i want her now.i think the hardest part was this morning after we found out that she had to stay another night. then we had to put her back into her little box with her blindfolds on, and keep her under the lights. lyla started crying and wiggling around, and it broke my heart. i just wanted to pick her back up and tell her everything was going to be okay. i knew she wanted me just as much as i wanted her. it's hard when you expect things will be better, only to be told bad news. i know there are by far scarier things that could have happened other than jaundice, and i applaud any mom who has ever had to deal with a sick newborn. they are so strong. i have broken down crying more than a couple of times since we've been home without her. the house is too quiet, and for once, i don't like it. we've been going to the hospital every 3-4 hours to see and feed her. it is our bonding time with her, and it has put us at ease for the most part because every time we're up there she looks a little better. i hope and pray that tomorrow morning we will receive some good news. maybe even that she can finally go home. we miss our little lyla scarlett more than she will ever know.

9 comments:

random_mommy said...

BIG HUGS. We love you guys and I know Lyla will be ready to head home tomorrow... if she isn't, she'll miss your yummy homecoming dinner!!

Anonymous said...

awww...i'm so sorry guys! i've never had to go through that,but my mom had to leave me in the hospital when i was born for 3 days for the same thing, she still talks about it after 31 long years. it's hard i'm sure. lyla is simply beautiful! i love all of her hair. you two make very pretty babies! hang in there momma kim your little girl will be home soon! i will continue to keep your little family in my thoughts. love you guys!
oh and again...she is BEAUTIFUL, but i knew she would be.
~Amy

K-Mom said...

Oh, Mommakim, my heart is breaking for you guys. I can only imagine how hard it is for you and your Hubby. I hope little Lyla gets to come home today. PLEASE let me know if there is anything I can do. I'm praying for you all and sending good vibes your way.

Katie R. said...

Kimmie I had no idea Lyla wasn't home with you guys yet! I hope you are holding in there, she looks absolutely gorgeous and so sweet and I hope she is either home now or coming home soon! We can't wait to see you guys!
Much love,
Katie & Frank!

Yankee Belle said...

OMG!!! Great pic!!! XOXO

I'm a Mom!..? said...

I so know this feeling, I'm sorry you had to experience this... Glad it's all good now!

Mommy said...

So glad all turned out well for you, she is a DOLL!!! I understand what you went through with jaundice, we had Lauren in NICU for a few days and I wouldn't sleep in our room with the empty bassinett. We slept in the living room. So glad she is home!!

Sharon McKnight

Poodlehead said...

That pic of her sleeping by herself is absolutely freaking gorgeous!!!

Kim said...

thank you everybody. we really appreciate it.