Saturday, September 6, 2008

to boobie feed or not to boobie feed?

i have a weakness. i am an indecisive woman. always have been. usually when i can't make up my mind about something, i always make a list of pros and cons and then base my decision on which one outweighs the other. i star the ones that are highly important to me just to make sure i don't overlook them in comparison to one i can completely do without. so i've been doing some thinking (scary, i know). i am breastfeeding at the moment. i did with the mabster as well up until she was 6 months. i really do enjoy it, but boy-oh-boy, it has it's inconveniences. so here i go with my list. . .

- it's painful. lyla bites and hard. especially when she first latches on. i arch my back and whimper like a poon.
- leakage. i was walking around target the other day when i realized i had lactated all over my shirt. nice. it was completely noticeable too. i was quite embarrassed.
- uncomfortableness. if i don't have lyla there ready to eat or a pump nearby, i swear there are times that i think my milk cannons are going to exploded!
- alcohol. i can drink and get drunk as long as i pump and dump. which somewhat bothers me sometimes because i know how valuable that liquid gold really is.
- i'm modest. if i'm out in public, and lyla needs to eat, i will run to my car to feed her. i just don't like thinking people are staring at my milk jugs. it's natural i know, but if you're gonna look at'em, you better be my husband.
- no spicy food and caffeine. lyla keeps me up enough at night. if she keeps me up longer due to gas and the shakes, nobody will be happy.

****** - weight loss. i've already lost 23 pounds. 23 freakin' pounds!! that's crazy! i've lost all my baby weight plus an extra 3 pounds. don't get me wrong, i still eat too. all those yummy dinners everybody keeps dropping off with brownies and pure lard? there's not a crumb leftover, i promise.
****** - the mother/daughter bonding. i love that quiet time that we share just looking at each other. everything seems still and i can feel how much we love and need each other. it's wonderful.
****** - breast is best. it's the most complete form of nutrition for infants. it has the right amount of fat, sugar, water, and protein that is needed for a baby's growth and development. mommy milk also helps protect infants from bacteria and viruses. not to mention, breastfed babies score slightly higher on IQ tests. these are facts, no bullshit.

so as you can see from my point of view, even though i have more cons than pros, none of those cons are starred. therefore, those 3 pros have far more meaning to me than the list of cons so i'm sticking with it. there are days where i want to quit because it'd be more convenient for me. selfish? maybe. but i want what's best so i'm just gonna have to push through it. so next time you see me and i'm massaging my boobs with a look of pain on my face while my shirt is wet and it's not from spilt booze, just remember that i'm breastfeeding, and it's not pretty.


K-Mom said...

I went through all the same pros and cons as you did. It was very difficult in the beginning and I can imagine how confining it must be with Mabster to watch as well, but it actually got easier and when Miss P finally transitioned to the bottle, I was surprised by how much I missed it.

And oh yeah, I had an embarrassing incident with leakage at Hobby Lobby in front of the cashier who was a teen-age boy! If I'd had a better sense of humor about it back then, I probably could have rallied and said something along the lines of "Take a lesson, kid. It's all fun and games until someone gets pregnant."

But I didn't...instead, I drove to the Hobby Lobby across town for a month because I was too embarrassed to go back! :>}

Julia said...

I think you are making a great but hard decision. I know some women that don't even try or consider it. I NEVER though I would want to do anything like that, but I have definitely considered it when the time comes.

is there something you can do or wear to prevent the lactation leakage?

Mommapeas said...

I'm having these same moments over and over... but so far, I've managed to talk myself into sticking with it. My trick has been to make little benchmarks. Like, I made it to 4 weeks now my goal is 8. hang in there!

I'm a Mom!..? said...

Just take it one day at a time.. I wanted to quit almost daily with the Munchkin for many of the reasons you listed, plus I just didn't have enough to feed her and had to supplement anyway.. I would just tell myself I can quit anytime I want, and somehow I managed to almost 6 months.. The twins got boob milk via bottle for 8 weeks... Just make sure you are comfortable with what you decide.