Tuesday, January 6, 2009

ode to the 1-4

so i awoke this morning, checked my email, and found what was awaiting for me from the Prestigious 1-4 Club Co-Founders. the first one is from tony, and the latter from karmie...

Kim & Fellow Prestigious 1-4 Club Co-Founder/Co-Chairwoman,

The blog was lacking. Although the "shout out" was much appreciated, our fellow club members felt as if they did not get the respect they deserve. Let me voice their frustrations and also their accomplishments.

Sir Isaac Newton-Invented Gravity

Don Shula-Invented the steak and has perfected it at Shula's steakhouse at the Wynfrey

Jakob Ludwig Carl Grimm-Responsible for that terrible movie The Brothers Grimm

Patricia Lee (Patty Loveless) Ramey-Surprisingly only 52. Would have thought she was older

John Bennet Perry-Gave sperm to his wife and begat Matthew Perry who was in The Whole Nine Yards which I watched the other day and isn't quite as funny as I remember it.

Louis Braille-Responsible for the dots being on an ATM machine

Dan Quayle-Not very proud of sharing a birthday with him

Many countless other important people like the jew hater Mel Gibson who tried extremely hard to be born on 1-4 but came early and was born on the 3rd. Obviously his life has been in a tailspin since then

Kim-As you can see January 4th has been a very important day for this world. Our elite collection of great thinkers has done some incredible things. I would say the thing we are most proud of is our ability to grow older while staying the same age and to cheat at cornhole (Karmie not me)

Word to your mutha
Tony Ceasar
1-4 Club Co-Founder/Co-Chairman

now for karmie's input and rebuttal...

Kim & Fellow Prestigious 1-4 Club Co-Founder/Co-Chairman,

While I am always pleased with any citation for excellence thrown my way, in the spirit of the 1-4 Club, i must hold the other half of the banner with my esteemed Co-missioner (as our shared titled shall from henceforth be called if only for the sake of fairness and brevity) and cement his most eloquent argument.

Deanna Carter - Inventor of Strawberry Wine (not to be confused with Boone's Farms which as we all know was invented by Daniel Boone using panther's blood)

Micheal Stipe - Lead mumbler of R.E.M and darling of college radio along with Morrissey. Helpful component of the "poseur" test for high school and college kids in the late-1980's to mid-1990's. If you say you're favorite R.E.M. song is "The One I Love", "Stand" or godforbid "Losing My Religion", then you are not cool and did not have the appropriate amount of angst at the appropriate age.

Julia Ormond - Actress. Romantic Lead in "First Knight". And while there shouldn't be a dilemma between choosing between Richard "Hamsters" Gere and Sean "Bond" Connery, she did a good job acting like there was.

Gao Xingjian - Nobel Prize for Literature for Soul Mountain. His storytelling style has an ambivalence that much like Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha writings rewards the reader only after rumination on geography as catalyst.

Malietoa Tanumafili II - Sovereign Ruler of Samoa. January 4 is a national holiday in Samoa, as it should be internationally. Hmm, the first international holiday...

Research has also shown that Russell Simmons, Puff Daddy and Jay Z were all born on the 4th day of the month. Could there be a budding hip-hop entrepreneur amongst our ranks? Let me throw this out: I did work at Cooper Green, have mad skills on the karaoke mike and know the proper usage of phat vs. fat vs. thick.

Also on this date, Elvis Presley recorded his first demo for Sun Studios. Rock 'n' roll and manager exploitation were born.

Utah was admitted as a state and polygamist, while not "born" is allowed to flourish in the US.

Elizabeth Ann Seton becomes the first US-born saint. Tony and I are still working out our miracles but we have some time left. It will be a miracle if Tony can beat me in cornhole or take his inevitable loss like a man and not cry "cheater, cheater, pumpkin-eater" and then go suck on Claire's pacifier.

So you see, Kimberly May Jude Johnson Douglas, the 1-4 Club has a rich and distinguished membership and history.


Karmie M. Johnson
1-4 Club Co-missioner (formerly known as Co-Founder/Co-Chairman)

with all of that being said, i had absolutely no idea how special the 1-4 club truly is. they have opened my eyes and made me realize and appreciate the great attributes that the members of the 1-4 have brought forth for our country and beyond. thanks guys for clearing all of this up for me...obviously i am not as educated on the matter as you, the founders, are.


Anonymous said...

(I am lacking in elaborate, witty writing skills so that is all I can say - guess I should've been born on 1-4 and I wouldn't have this problem.)
~ Karla

Kim said...

no kidding! i don't know what to say because i don't want to sound like a babbling idiot! =P