Saturday, March 12, 2011

NICU: day 3

when people say "life inside the NICU is a roller coaster ride," they weren't kidding. it feels like every time we get comfortable in thinking she's moving uphill, we get hit with news that makes us fall back down.

this morning when we arrived, the doctors immediately wanted to talk to us. they reported that they found a Hep bleed inside baby jemma's brain upon inspecting the echo. this was caused due to the heparin (blood thinner) that needs to be used while on ECMO. luckily, the area she has it in is not located in the ventricles. not good news, but could be much worse. since this came to surface, they have put her on a medicine that prevents bleeding, but is also in competition with the heparin which is needed to prevent blood clots from forming within the ECMO circuit. they are also trying to keep her platelet count up and use lasix to pull off more fluid from her lungs and body so that they can start weaning her from ECMO. it might take a couple of days, but she is responding to the diuretic. we're just praying that her lungs clear up quickly because if they don't and clots form inside the machine, they'll have to replace with another ECMO and we'll have to regress and start all over. PLEASE KEEP BABY JEMMA IN YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS!!!!! this is not the news we wanted to hear. :(

after being told that this morning, i ran out of the NICU crying. it hit me like a ton of bricks, especially when the night before...jay is reading the big book they gave us and says to me, "hopefully she'll do great as long as she doesn't get a head bleed"...and that's exactly what she got. again, the worst case scenario. so i ran to the bathroom crying. i absolutely can not stand to have people watch me cry...because it's ugly. really ugly. hyperventilating ugly and for the most part, i just want to be left alone. i texted jay while hiding in one of the bathroom stalls and he texts back telling me that he's waiting for me outside. we both cry in each other's arms and make our way to our car. we agreed upon me going home since i had to pump...my engorged boobs were about to pop while jay headed back and stayed with baby jemma a little bit longer. i called karla and told her the news. we both cried and cried and she came right over. it worked out great in a way that i found comfort in grieving within my own home while jay felt the need to be there for jemma. it eased his sadness to know that he was there with her so that she's not alone. that's why i love that man. always thinks of himself last. knowing that made me feel good too. i had a couple of hours to let out a much needed therapeutic cry, jay came back to pick me up, and then we enjoyed a nice quiet dinner out together since abby and lyla have been staying with lola and pawpaw all week.

after dinner, we headed back up to the hospital. this visit was much more reassuring and calm. the nurse told us that she gave baby jemma a "spa day" where she washed her real good with a massage and baby lotion as well. she even added a cute little yellow bow to her hair. it completely made my day, and i've never seen baby jemma look so beautiful. in the words of jay, "a yellow bow to match her blankie since there will be no clashing in the NICU." here are some pics...also, the nurse said that her neuro checks are good and that she responded well when they suctioned the fluid after CPT. that that's a good sign to coming off ECMO and that her vitals recovered better than they have. her lungs are sounding great and she had her biggest tee-tee diaper yet. hooray for small victories! let's just keep praying that tomorrow will be an even better day. lastly, visitors for the day included: auntie jess, uncle germy, auntie red, auntie mellie, lola, pawpaw, tita karla, uncle tre, tony, maloney, and the haswells.

so i wanted to leave you guys with this picture. this little guy came to visit us last night and he is an "ECMO graduate." a few months ago while still inside his mommy's belly, he endured a severe case of meconium aspiration and was also placed on the ECMO circuit. he is an inspiration to us considering he is 6 months old today and without one single complication from the procedure. you have given us so much hope, sweet greer. we appreciate your mommy and daddy's help/advice/thoughts/encouragement throughout all of this.ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR ALL THE TEXTS, CALLS, EMAILS, THOUGHTS, COMMENTS, AND PRAYERS THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED THROUGHOUT THIS DIFFICULT TIME. PLEASE KNOW THAT I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO RESPOND BACK QUICKLY, BUT AFTER READING EACH AND EVERY ONE, IT HELPS PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, AND PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR OUR SWEET BABY JEMMA WHOM WE LOVE SO MUCH!!! XOXO

5 comments:

Jan said...

Sending thoughts and prayers! Love you much!

Anonymous said...

Praying that Mr. Toad's wild ride will come to an end soon for you guys. Thanks for keeping us posted. Love, the Merlos

Poodlehead said...

I didn't realize you could have visitors. Are you wanting or discouraging them? I would love to come but don't want to overwhelm anyone.

This post made me cry and I'm so sorry yet so sure that one day Jemma will be 27 and at her wedding you are retelling the story (for the gazillionth time) of how she scared the world with her NICU stay.

Maggie said...

glad to be able to keep up with everything through your blog. just know that the chesser family is praying for you all every day. love, mag

llq said...

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